Conflict in the HOA

It is natural when a group of people get together that there will be disagreements. It is healthy to have conflict. If you don’t argue with someone how do would you know how they feel or what upsets them? Conflict resolution gets thrown around so much that I am pretty sure no one really knows what that means anymore or how to start resolving conflict amongst each other.  HOAs are no different.

In an era where conflict is met with violence, confronting the community can be scary.  But, when a board member, a manager, an attorney, and community members get together to solve community issues, some really amazing things can happen.  It doesn’t have to be yelling and screaming or pointing fingers.  The entire community can be heard at the meeting.  But, that doesn’t mean everyone gets what they want.  There must be a vote.  Sometimes only the board of directors will vote, sometimes it’s both the board of directors and members.  The majority then decides for the entire association.  That may make some angry but that is how the system works.  In fact, that is how our whole voting system works throughout the country.  If you don’t vote, you don’t get a say.  If you don’t vote for the board of directors, you may have a representative that is making decisions contrary to what you want.  Voting is the most important right among HOA members. 

The best advice is to bring with you to the meetings positive solutions, not problems. I hear all the time, “this is a problem” or “that is a problem” but when pushed for a solution no one thought to bring the solutions with them to the meeting. Sometimes, the board of directors don’t know what the solution is. Sometimes it has to be researched. But that is why I write this blog, so that all of you share ideas. Some HOAs may be crushing it, some may be struggling. We need a way to help each other.

Companies deal with conflict all the time. Here are some tips from Sandler Training:

1.  Acknowledge the Conflict
2.  Stop and Cool Off
3. Avoid destructive behavior
4.  Clarify positions
5.  List facts and assumptions based on each position
6.  Break into smaller groups and separate existing alliances
7.  Reconvene the groups
8.  Celebrate the Resolution

I had someone tell me once “it is not about positions, it is about interests”.  He kept telling me to read this book about getting to yes.  He stated that if you focus on positions then one side is definitely going to lose, and you don’t find a good solution for both “sides”.  I would not approach HOA meetings in that way.  I don’t see “sides” in the HOA.  In HOAs there are problems and solutions.  Most of the time you are voting on which problems to tackle and which solutions to use and follow.  Some problems and solutions are not going to be voted on favorably.  Some ideas will be put on the back burner.  That is ok.  The point is that the community came together and fought the problem together.  Everyone needs to be heard and everyone should get involved in their community.  The problems of the HOA cannot be fought by just a handful of people.